Shocking news has come to light that a recent spate of binge drinking on council estates has been perpetrated by Corbynites.

The Mail can reveal that Corbynites are actually not human at all but have been spawned in Europe by a bureaucrat known as Saruman who intends to wrest control of all that is good and decent using this army of misfits.

The Pope said of the Corbynites, "I like sponge".